There are regular massages, which most folks find relaxing, and then there are erotic massages, which can be downright life-changing. Erotic messages are similar to regular ones, except they’re aimed at releasing tension and decreasing stress in the recipient by either enhancing or achieving sexual arousal.
Lots of people would be happy to get an erotic massage from their sexual partner—that is, if it’s done well. When done poorly, an erotic massage can painful—literally and figuratively. I once had a man massage the sides of my belly, one of the few places where I have no muscles or tendons. Then when he started massaging parts of my body that could release tension and increase arousal, he didn’t apply any pressure. It felt like he was typing on my back.
Don’t be that guy.
If you’re giving an erotic massage, you can’t do it half-assed. After all, they have their full ass in front of you, so you need to give them a full-assed massage. There are two essential components of erotic massage, and you need to be good at both. First is the actual massage part. That means no back typing. No squeezing belly fat. The second part is making it sensual.
Here are six steps to becoming a master at both.
1) Set the mood.
This should be a no-brainer, but just in case, I’ll make it clear: You have your partner disrobe and lie face-down on a towel or firm bed. Dim the lights. If you don’t have a dimmer, then buy some candles. Play some relaxing music—it doesn’t need to be typical spa music or the sound of the rainforest, but it should be something that you know your partner finds soothing. (My ex liked when I gave her a massage to Rihanna’s album Anti.) If you really want to step your game up, buy a mini humidifier off of Amazon and pour some essential oils in there.
2) Use erotic oils or lotions.
Don’t just grab the big bottle of Lubriderm sitting in the cabinet underneath the sink. Get massage oils, and ones specifically meant to enhance sexual pleasure. Or, if you’re down for it, try CBD massage oils. My partners and I have enjoyed using those, too.
3) Start (and continue) slowly.
For at least the first 20 minutes of the erotic massage, it should simply look like any old regular massage. You shouldn’t head straight to massage their vagina, penis, or butt. At this point you’re helping them relax, so by the time you do get to massaging/playing with their genitals, they’re in a physical and mental space to fully receive you.
“Use the heel of your hand to make continuous fluid movements and work the whole length of the muscle,” says Susan Findlay, director of the North London School of Sports Massage. Make sure you’re taking your time and focusing on each muscle before moving to the next (at least two minutes per area). If you feel a knot in one place, knead that bad boy out before moving on to another part of their body. (Pro tip: Ask them if they’re sore or have any particular pain in a certain region, and focus more of your attention there.)
4) After massaging every muscle, start teasing.
Alright, by now you’ve gotten their neck, their back, so it’s time to move on to… exactly, yes. But jokes aside, you should have given them a full massage at this point. You massaged their back, neck, arms, wrists, fingers, feet, legs, the whole shebang. Now, and only now you can get to the fun stuff. Here, you want to tease them. Get really close to touching their privates without actually touching them. This means instead of going straight for the nipples, massage around the breast. Instead of going straight for the vagina or penis, you massage the crease where the thigh connects to the rest of your body.
5) Start massaging their naughty bits.
Once you’ve teased them long enough, then and only then do you get to actually touch the sexy parts. By this point they should be stewing in sexual tension, so even touching them lightly will be enough to make them moan ecstatically. Start with slow circular motions on her clitoris, or start giving him a light hand job, where you’re barely gripping their penis. Once the allotted time has passed you can then do more, whether that means digital penetration, a firmer hand job, or oral.
6) Let them finish
If you’ve done everything right, there’s a high likelihood that your partner will orgasm. For God’s sake, do not stop right before they finish. That’s brutal. Do your best to make sure they orgasm; at which point, they will be insanely relaxed. Then, and this is not mandatory, but highly recommended, go ahead and get naked yourself and cuddle with them.